Above All Else. . .

"Above All Else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 4:23

Lately this verse has been running through my head. Typically when that verse is cited it's in reference to romantic relationships. But lately I've been wondering, what does it really mean to guard your heart? Is that only about romance? Or is it about friendships? Discussions in class or at work?

I have realized in recent months, that I have been super cautious of my heart here. By that I mean, I have been careful not to step on toes, not to put myself too far out there. I know that my political and religious views are very different than most everyone that I am surrounded by. I know that I am called to be different. I have found myself struggling in that place, and choosing to live out of those convictions rather than voicing them always. I believe that actions speak louder than words, and I have tried to live that way. Knowing, that when I have tried to voice my faith, that voice has been reshaped and used by others for their own advantage. Which is often harmful to myself and others. That hurts. So- I'm guarded. Perhaps too guarded.

When does guarding your heart really turn into fakeness? I struggle with wondering if I am really being fake with those around me. I wonder if when I leave this place, if they will know what that something different about me was. Have I given all the Glory that I have been put in this place to give? Have I been living a life of true love that shows that there is a Driving Force behind the words I say, the way I act that is different from the rest? Or, out of fear disguised as guarding my heart, have I allowed the focus to stay here on earth, where it truly doesn't belong?

I wonder.

In a similar, but altogether different context, I ask- When does guarding your heart really mean being fearful to take the next step? When does guarding your heart prevent you from having the hard conversations that you really need to have? The conversations that truly could change and alter your life in amazing ways you would never imagine? When, out of fear disguised as guarding our hearts, do we avoid them? Or the silence. Too scared to break our hearts, or our reputations, that we remain guarded.

I wonder.

I do not know where the lines are. I do not know how to balance the wise guarding and the wise risking. The bittersweet fact is, scripture does not provide us with a formula to this balancing act. All I know is that I have been promised that the Holy Spirit is with me, and that, as long as I seek His face, He will guide my steps. And my hopes. So, perhaps sometimes He calls us to take a risk for the hopes that he has placed in our hearts. It's a balancing act. All of life is. I am confident I will never understand this side of heaven. I pray daily that will bring peace to my often restless heart. Until then, as I cautiously tread the tight rope between guarding and risk-taking, I remember this other Proverb:

"Better is open rebuke
Than hidden love"
-Proverbs 27:5

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