Turn it Off!!

Wow. Days like today remind me why having responsibility in my top strengths is a bad combination with OCD tenancies. I have this paper due tomorrow. It's my final project for my assessment class. When I think of assessment reports, my mind goes back to my Belmont days and my BURS research papers and presentations. So. . . I have been working on this elaborate literature review about living learning communities and first-generation students. I just got off the phone with a classmate and realized that it was not necessary. The paper is basically a reflection of what we did and what we learned. No literature review necessary. I'm such a loser!!! Granted, this information is necessary for a poster session at a conference in February, so really it's not that much overkill. But still, I could have written this paper on the plane rather than spending the entire time trying to do my overachiever version. I'm such a loser.



On a positive note- I was supposed to take my car in today to have her timing belt changed. I have been putting this off for about a month and a half since it's a pretty expensive operation. When I woke up this morning, I really felt like I should wait and take it next Monday. So I called the dealership to say that I would need to bring it in on Monday. Today, in the mail, I received a coupon for timing belts. It's $110 cheaper than what I would be paying if I had taken it today. Provision? Anyone?Since my recent posts have been more reflective in nature here's a run down of my life:- Thanksgiving break was great. I went home to KY. I ate a lot. Met my brother's girlfriend- she's really cool. Did black Friday shopping, which I found very fun and not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.




- Dad and I went to the UK/UT football game. I have been looking forward to that all semester because I was CONFIDENT that I would get to go to my first winning UK game. After 4 overtimes, two frozen feet, and a headache from the loud guy next to me, my streak (and UK's for that matter) continued. I did manage to get a picture of the UT player blocking what would have been the wining UK field goal: It's kinda cool, right? I was also on national t.v. Also kinda cool.

- I have my last assessment class tomorrow. Last law class on Tuesday. Last Practicum class on Wednesday. Then, only one more semester of classes. Praise the Lord. I need a long break from organized-classroom learning.

Well, that's all I have to keep me procrastinating from this paper. I need to write it so I can get up and work out in the AM. It's been a long time since Steph and I have gone, so 5:30 will come early.


disclaimer: I wrote this last night, but acidentally deleted it. So, thanks to my friend Kristine, it's back. The Assessment class- over. Paper- Check!

Above All Else. . .

"Above All Else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 4:23

Lately this verse has been running through my head. Typically when that verse is cited it's in reference to romantic relationships. But lately I've been wondering, what does it really mean to guard your heart? Is that only about romance? Or is it about friendships? Discussions in class or at work?

I have realized in recent months, that I have been super cautious of my heart here. By that I mean, I have been careful not to step on toes, not to put myself too far out there. I know that my political and religious views are very different than most everyone that I am surrounded by. I know that I am called to be different. I have found myself struggling in that place, and choosing to live out of those convictions rather than voicing them always. I believe that actions speak louder than words, and I have tried to live that way. Knowing, that when I have tried to voice my faith, that voice has been reshaped and used by others for their own advantage. Which is often harmful to myself and others. That hurts. So- I'm guarded. Perhaps too guarded.

When does guarding your heart really turn into fakeness? I struggle with wondering if I am really being fake with those around me. I wonder if when I leave this place, if they will know what that something different about me was. Have I given all the Glory that I have been put in this place to give? Have I been living a life of true love that shows that there is a Driving Force behind the words I say, the way I act that is different from the rest? Or, out of fear disguised as guarding my heart, have I allowed the focus to stay here on earth, where it truly doesn't belong?

I wonder.

In a similar, but altogether different context, I ask- When does guarding your heart really mean being fearful to take the next step? When does guarding your heart prevent you from having the hard conversations that you really need to have? The conversations that truly could change and alter your life in amazing ways you would never imagine? When, out of fear disguised as guarding our hearts, do we avoid them? Or the silence. Too scared to break our hearts, or our reputations, that we remain guarded.

I wonder.

I do not know where the lines are. I do not know how to balance the wise guarding and the wise risking. The bittersweet fact is, scripture does not provide us with a formula to this balancing act. All I know is that I have been promised that the Holy Spirit is with me, and that, as long as I seek His face, He will guide my steps. And my hopes. So, perhaps sometimes He calls us to take a risk for the hopes that he has placed in our hearts. It's a balancing act. All of life is. I am confident I will never understand this side of heaven. I pray daily that will bring peace to my often restless heart. Until then, as I cautiously tread the tight rope between guarding and risk-taking, I remember this other Proverb:

"Better is open rebuke
Than hidden love"
-Proverbs 27:5

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Now playing: Andy Davis - Brown Eyes
via FoxyTunes

Christmas Season

I went shopping a few days ago for Christmas decorations and Christmas cards. I love sending Christmas cards to family members and friends. I prefer to send cards that wish a "Merry Christmas" and have a Christmas-related Bible verse inside. It took me a considerable amount of time to such "religious Christmas cards" in the Christmas section at Wal-mart. When I did find them, they were in a small section labeled "Religious Christmas Cards" and removed from the rest of the card selection by several aisles. Even within that small display, it still took me a while to find a plain, Christmas card that actually referred to the birth of Christ.

I cannot explain how frustrated that made me! I understand that Christmas is not the only holiday, religious or otherwise, celebrated during December. I am also fully aware that not everyone who celebrates Christmas is a Christian or even religious at all. However, it seems to me that every year Christmas is becoming more and more commercialized.

I believe that everyone who celebrates a holiday during this season should be able to find decorations or cards that are appropriate for the holiday they are celebrating. However, I hate that we have become so politically correct that we lose sight of the meaning behind the largest holiday in this time. Let us remember that the other holidays are either, a. not major holidays for that particular religion, or b. are non-religious based holidays that are not exclusive (but often inclusive) of Christmas.

I am sad that in our country we have lost a sense of the meaning of Christmas between the holiday-neutral cards and the fear of upsetting someone by celebrating a holiday that should be near to our hearts. I am not promoting that we don't allow the sales of non-religious Christmas cards (although, that seems a bit oxymoronic to me). I am saying though, that at the root of it all, Christmas is about Christ- His birth and what it means for each of us. It doesn't mean a time for us to get whatever we want from Target, but rather, it means true life, redemption, and koinonia. I hope that we never completely lose sight of that.

7 things. . .

Here are seven things you may or may not know about me. Tiff tagged me on this from her blog and I hope my things make it worth the tag!

1. I have auditioned for Jeopardy twice (most recently in February)

2. I really want to be a writer/editor of a magazine about faith, spirituality and vocation some day.

3. I like taking photographs, three of them have won awards in competitions.

4. I love brussel spouts!! I eat them 3-4 times a week, not kidding.

5. I really want to go to London, Italy and Ireland. But I'm terrified of flying so I'm not sure I could ever do the plane ride to Europe.

6. I am terrified of plane rides! Intellection is one of my strenghts on strengths quest, but that causes me to think too much! So every little bump turns into an engine falling of in my head. I fly early in the morning a lot of times so that I can just sleep.

7. I want a big family- 4-6 kids, 2-4 of which I want to adopt from either Ukraine/Moldova and/or Africa.

Now I tag:
Carrie
Grace
Kristine
Rachel
Lauren

Red Cup Season

The red cups at Starbucks mark the beginning of the holiday season in my mind. Today, I stopped on the way home from running errands at the local drive through Starbucks. I was delighted to find advertisement on the menu for the traditional holiday flair. I gave into the marketing and ordered a holiday drink. After completing the sale, I was greeted with my venti non-fat, no whip peppermint mocha in a bright red cup!

It amazes me how big a difference the color of my coffee cup makes in my attitude for the rest of the day. I love red cup season, I really do. Perhaps it's because I love the Christmas holiday season and all that it means. I love the emphasis on faith, on family and friends. Even though it is typically colder, and grayer physically, everything seems to be right with the world. It reminds me that even though the world and my life often seem crazy and hectic, there truly is a peace that reigns true through it all.

It's really easy for me to forget that peace in life, and even in the midst of the Christmas season. For that reason, here are some things I am thankful and/or hopeful about. I hope this will remind me and you when life gets hectic that joy and peace can be found within it all.

* Faith and redemption
* My rockstar RA staff
* Being within 180 days of graduating
* Being able to get my Masters degree
* Having more clarity about the possibility of a Ph.D in the future
* Finally being halfway good at scrabble
* Using technology to keep in touch with my friends far away
* Rekindling friendships with people who mean a lot to me
* The simplistic yet profound music of Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz, Andy Davis, Steven Clawson and Rob Blackledge
* Having a job that I enjoy
* The promise that I will always have a job that I enjoy
* Amazing friends! (Even when they all live outside of CS and sometimes the US)
* Time to read my favorite authors (Donald Miller and Elisabeth Elliot)
* Calling and passion
* Great family
* Dallas, the Reunion Tower, and the conversations had therein
* Enjoying a professional conference and feeling as though I actually fit there
* Encouragement
* Mentoring students and young women
* Loving and being loved
* Promise of a future and hope (Jer. 29:11)
* Learning to trust in hope (Romans 5:3-5)
* Small details and dreams falling into place (aka- a DOG!)
* My brother's health making changes in family relationships
* That my brother is ok
* Friends weddings
* Excitement, anticipation about this season and what God is going to do in the next few months!

This is a growing, evolving list that will always be missing something. I pray I would be made more aware of what I should be thankful for.

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Now playing: Rob Blackledge - One Step Away
via FoxyTunes

A New Leaf

I knew that this moment would come, but it has always felt so far in the future. I have been working with the purpose of this season and the ones to follow for a long time. Yet, it is oddly surreal being in this moment. I completed my first job application on Monday. The job search has officially begun! The spreadsheet has been started, and the emails about new posts have started to pour in. I delete most, but their presence is an increasing reminder that the season of graduate school is coming to a close (for now at least). My cohort is pictured here- It's hard to believe that I only have 184 days with them.

Additionally, we had our mock interviewing conference today. We were each paired up with three professionals throughout the division who worked in functional areas we plan to interview for. I have to say, that went MUCH better than I had anticipated. I interviewed for Orientation, Greek Life and Student Activities- two of the three I have not been involved in since undergrad. I left the "conference" with the reassurance that I would be able to get a job in any of those areas.

With that completed, I put the final touches on my resume (for the last time) tonight. Final copies of cover letters are in the final stages. I'm down to three assignments for class this semester. I am having a very difficult time staying focused right now. My mind is wondering about what is out there in the future. Every transition that I've made before, I've known where it is that I wanted to go. This time around, I know where my heart wants to be, and I'm praying things line up like they should.

Keep me in your prayers friends!

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Now playing: Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway
via FoxyTunes

Deminishing Stress Levels

20 days until I go home for Thanksgiving. 45 days until I'm home for Christmas. 98 days until Homecoming. 124 days until NASPA. 190 days until I have a Masters Degree (officially).

Baby Steps, friends, Baby Steps.

I just returned on Tuesday from the National Orientation Directors Association Conference (NODAC) in Dallas. The picture on the left is of the hotel where the conference was located (the big glass building). Additionally, the Reunion Tower (the big tower with a ball on top) is attached to the hotel. I have always been fascinated by the Reunion Tower every time I've driven through Dallas. Imagine my excitement when I actually got to go up in the tower and see it!! I spent about an hour and a half with one of my favorite people walking around the tower, checking out the city of Dallas and catching up on life. It was such a great night.

NODAC was great. I stayed at my good friend Becky's house and I was so grateful to be able to spend time catching up with her. Catching up with people seemed to be the theme of my days in Dallas. I was able to see my mentors from Belmont, Matt and Holly, and my friends from Baylor. I was actually sad to see the conference end because it meant that everyone had to go back home. :(

Then, after a brief stop in Waco to grab coffee and pick up a student, I headed back to College Station. I brought a Baylor student back to College Station with me and we had a great conversation about life and love in the car on the way back. Times like that truly feed my soul!!

So now I'm back and trying to get everything ready and completed before I leave for Dallas again on Saturday morning. This time I'll be going to the Southern Association of College Student Affairs conference (SACSA). I will be seeing some more old friends this weekend, at a different hotel in Dallas.

This past weekend was very refreshing and gave me a renewed since of hope about the future. I'm so excited to see where God leads me over the next few months. And, I'm grateful that there is starting to be a much brighter light at the end of the tunnel.