I graduate in 100 Days!!!!

Weird Vibes.

I was out with some friends here the other evening and I had a conversation with one of them that has been stuck in my head since. After discussing job search and class, he asked (with a straight face) "How's your love interest?" After picking my jaw up off the floor, I managed to ask who had told him that I had one in the first place. It turns out that no one was passing that rumor around, but, he had simply just thought that I had one. He said I gave off the "unavailable vibe". It was so strong, apparently, that he had thought I was dating someone since he met me in August. Even so much so that he thought I should be getting engaged anytime now.

Seriously? Seriously! Clearly we aren't that close of friends.

I tried to get him to explain what it means to exhibit such a vibe, with little luck. All he could muster is that I just seemed preoccupied, and distracted. Truth be told I have been preoccupied and distracted. I live life in my own world, and my own reality. And, I wonder, will there ever be a time where I'm comfortable sharing that reality with another person?

This is not a post begging for people to tell me that I won't be alone for ever. I think I may actually be at a place in my life where I believe that being just me forever, is quite enough. I want to get married and have children some day, at least the idea is appealing. But, as I drink my tea and eat my biscotti (I feel so European), I truly believe, that if I never find The One, I am going to be just fine. Doubting the Lord's purpose in my singleness would negate trusting him in any other place.

Seeing Life through Love. . .

Love languages that is. Having been a psychology major in undergrad, I have always had an interest in personality testing and ways of defining attributes of individuals. One that I enjoy is based on a book by Gary Chapman (see left or click here) titled "The Five Love Languages". While Chapman's orginal work focused on relationships with one's "mate" the idea has since been transfered to many types of relationships.

My love language is Quality Time. This is all about spending time with someone and/or having great conversation with that person. Honestly, unless I have meaningful contact with someone on a daily basis, I feel pretty unloved. (A close second is Words of Affirmation).

I spent a little time today reflecting on the differences between this year and last in comparison to my attitude and overall happiness. While I still am very unhappy here and feel generally disconnected from those around me, there is one major difference. Last year God felt very distant and removed from my life here, but this year He seems much closer.

Last year I allowed myself to lose sight of my calling to be in this place. I allowed myself to focus on the negative and the here and now. Thus, I lost sight of God. After being reminded that this time has a purpose, even though it's not a pleasant experience, I returned with a renewed sense of calling. I have found myself focusing more on the calling and the face of God in this time.

My attitude towards life and my remaining 109 days here has improved because I have focused on quality time with the Lord. As my love language was used, God seems nearer. Things as simple as going to a church that feeds me, and reading the Word, fills my needs.

While this may not be a major revelation to anyone but me, I find it interesting how pervasive love languages are in everything. It reminds me how important it so for me to have relationships where I can have quality time with those people. Whether that be a short phone conversation, or a coffee date, it's so important to my mental health! I hope that as I transition to a new phase of life I remember this lesson, however simple it may be.

My Taste In Movies

I enjoy movies that have happy endings, involve musicals, or are animated.

What I do not enjoy are movies like:

Cloverfield

or

The Myst (Please note, when searching for this movie on Apple Trailers and IMDB.com, nothing came up. But I swear to you, that this is a real movie. And I did watch it.)

I think I would be much happier living here if I had people whose company I enjoyed who shared my taste in movies. Perhaps in my next move, I'll find friends who like happy endings and movies that have them as much as I do.

Back in the swing of things. . .

With classes starting this week, life is starting to feel more rythmic. That rhythm right now is busy. Work wise, I have 22 alcohol education workshop follow ups and 13 conduct meetings that must happen in the next week and a half. I managed to meet with half most of my AEW students this week and have the rest this coming week and half the conduct meetings as well.

This semester I only have 9 hours of classes. I'm taking Higher Education Finance, Administration, and Environments. Finance has the potential to be an interesting course. Already I can tell we are going to be talking about public institutions and lobbing state legislature for money. While that can be interesting, I hope we are able to make this class applicable for those of us who will be at private institutions from here on out.

Administration has been deemed by our professor as the catch all class. It is also our prep class for comprehensive exams. We'll be doing lots of case study practices over the semester hoping that when the time comes we'll be ready. Environments is a new class this year. We have some really exciting projects analyzing learning environments and I'm excited about doing the work!

This semester is a lighter load of classes. Also, I don't have an internship this semester. Both of these things means much more free time for fun things like watching reruns of my favorite shows, college basketball, reading, working out and applying for jobs. I know that this semester is going to go very quickly now that it's gotten started, but I'm ready for that.

Here are some pictures from Christmas time. They include the SAAHE holiday party, Res Life banquet, Patrick's Wine and cheese party, home for Christmas, and the Music City Bowl. Hope you enjoy!

Coffee. . .

It amazes me how one cup of coffee can set the mood for a day. I am no the proud owner of a coffee grinder. I used my Christmas funds to purchase one and a new blend of coffee- Dunkin Donuts original coffee. When I opened the bag it was as though I had died and gone to heaven the aroma was so delightful. I have been in such an odd mood lately, but that prefect cup of coffee made a big difference in my outlook on life.

I have decided there are a few things that I want to do this year. I wouldn't say that they are new years resolutions, but rather, that they are some reasonable goals for the new year. Here they are

1. Start every morning with a healthy, balanced breakfast.
   
2. Eat that breakfast at my bar/table rather than on the run somewhere.
3. Get up on time every morning so that I have the time to dry my hair before a meeting.
4. Run the Music City Marathon in Spring of 2009
5. Keep my room clean and bed made

Exhausted

There's just a lot that's been going through my mind in recent weeks. It's truly times like this that make me wish intellection wasn't one of my strengths. {Intellection is from Gallop's StrengthsFinder and means someone who thinks a lot. I interpret that as dark and brooding.} Sometimes I wish I could just turn that off! This semester has a lot of really exciting things coming. I have no idea what it's going to look like. My mind has been working overtime thinking about so many things and I'm just exhausted. All of life is a journey, and the part that I am on is challenging.

Moses was a man who probably felt the way that I feel right now (but for him- multiplied to the millionth power). In Exodus there is a passage that I really like right now:

"Moses said to the Lord, 'You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so that I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.' The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.' . . . Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.'" Exodus 33:12-14, 18

While I may not be leading a nation threw a parted sea by a tower of light, I know that I am being lead to a new land. I believe that God's word is active and His promises are for us now. I believe that the Lord's Presence will go with me, and that He will give me rest. It is so easy to be anxious in this place. However, I hope that as I head into this journey, I would have the strength like Moses and ask that the Lord would show me His glory in all aspects of my life. And that my intellection would be focused upon the glory that has been shown, rather than the anxiousness that I might otherwise feel.