Submission, Self-Sufficiency and Independence. . . Where to start?!

I've recently found myself with extra time for reading, and feeling drawn to works by Elisabeth Elliot. Most specifically I am reading Let Me Be A Woman which is a collection of 49 letters that Elliot wrote to her daughter when she was engaged and preparing to marry. I had no idea that's what it was about when I purchased the book. I just saw it on Amazon.com and said that's the one! I haven't been able to put it down since I started reading it, and it really has me thinking.

The concept of submission within scripture is one that I have openly had issues with. As a woman I just cannot wrap my mind around it. I am sure that has something to do with the lack of relationships where I have had to practice it, but I can't even imagine how that begins to take shape, or what it means.

In my mind I think of Mary Winkler in Tennessee. She was arrested my senior year of college for murdering her husband. She didn't contest that she murdered him, but stated that she snapped from years of being "submissive" to her husband and sacrificing who she was to please him. The details of the case are up for debate, but I can see the defeat and the lack of self-confidence in her eyes. (maybe that's just my empathy strength getting the best of me)

If that is what submission to my husband is supposed to look like, I think I'll keep my single life. I can manage my own finances, take care of my car, fix the basics around my house. Until recently I never even thought twice about going to Wal-Mart or the grocery story by myself in the middle of the night.

I'm self-sufficient and independent. I kinda like it that way.

But then I picture my parents and am sure that they are an excellent example of what Biblical marriage is supposed to look like. My mother (who may still read this, I'm not sure) did not marry my dad until she was 30 years old and had been a single mother for five years at that point. Much to my grandmother's chagrin, my mom stepped back and let my dad provide for her and their family. She certainly was capable of taking care of things by herself. But yet, my mom trusts completely in my dad. While he is not the sole decision maker, everything goes through him. My father adores my mother (the only time I've seen him truly angry is when someone has hurt my mom). My mom's submission to my dad is not her saying he's better than her, but rather, her accepting that he has a role, and she has a role. It works so well. I believe that's the way it's supposed to be.

My question is, where does the woman that is self-sufficient, and independent fit in that picture? The picture of womanhood that is painted by our society is extremely confusing and contradictory. Elliot and others paint a picture of a woman who is only truly fulfilled in a marriage where she is submissive to her husband. I have yet to find a definition of submission and what that means. Reading her writing though, it seems to be indescribable and appealing. My faith tells me this is the way to go.

However, I am a child of my generation. Myself and the rest of my peers were raised by parents who saw, lived and experienced the 60s and the feminist revolution. While my parents are in no way feminists, they did raise me to take care of myself. I am independent because they made me that way, for the most part and also partially because, as my mom told me this weekend, I've been 30 since I was 3.

My colleagues here at seem to be of two types of women. The first are those who do not ever want to get married or have a family. They only want companionship because they do not want to die and no one notice. The second type are those who seem to think they can truly have it all. They are the ones who want to be the most recognized in our field, and be outstanding soccer moms at the same time. I'm not sure I fit in either place.

I long to some day be married and have a family. I know I have not yet been called to that, but believe that some day I will be (and pray that it will come). While I also feel called to my profession, in the scope of life I care more about being a good wife and mother than I care about being an outstanding professional. My calling to this field is for this season, and I cannot promise how long that season will last. Many of my colleagues would tell me that I am foolish, and cannot understand that perhaps being a wife and mother is a calling. But then, the concept of calling is often beyond them as well.

My answer is that there must be a middle road. More so, I long to learn what this idea of submission looks like in reality. I heard a sermon this summer about submission (there seems to be a trend), and it was one of the best that I've heard. He talked about the single woman's call to be submissive to Christ. That it is preparation ground for marriage, but not that the husband becomes Christ. Rather, that each man and woman, when truly living their God given roles, draw each other closer to Christ through that relationship.

I really believe that in this season of my life, God is teaching me about what it means to be submissive to Him. I do not believe that lesson is one that is left solely to women to learn. It's just the one that is meant for me right now. I think it's a fitting lesson for me to be learning as I begin taking steps towards the next season of life (a real job!). Submitting to God's will and call in my life, and trusting that it all works for good is a timely lesson to learn and depend on.

I'm finally taking my car into the shop tomorrow to get the cigarette lighter fixed (it's only been broken since January). I'm also getting an estimate of how much it would cost to install a tow hitch to it for moving. . .

Yikes. . . anyone?!

This picture is of my friends Sarah and Tiff (L-R) and myself at the Baylor v. Texas State Game this past weekend. I drove up to Waco Saturday afternoon to go to the game and visit with some of my dear Baylor friends. I attended the game with the Baylor student services grad students (Baylor's equivalent to my grad program). After Baylor defeated Texas State (not by much, they are going to have to step it up if they want to beat A&M on the 29th), a few of us headed to Chili's for an after game celebration. Sunday I went to church with two of my BaylorBound leaders and then met the rest at my favorite Waco restaurant- The Clay Pot. Lunch and fellowship was GLORIOUS. It was so good to see them all!

I also surprisingly ran into my friend Becky at the Baylor game Saturday. Becky is an Alumna of Baylor, but just graduated (May 07) from my grad program here at A&M. She also did her summer internship at Belmont with our mutual friend Matt. So, needless to say, Becky kept me sane last year and it was such a blessing to run into her. She and I got together for coffee on Sunday afternoon and it was so nice to catch up and hear about her life. Plus get her take on my current one. She's such a great friend.

Saturday before heading up to Waco, I had a "lunch date" with one of my old RAs. It was really nice to see her and hear how her summer went and talk about mine. I should be seeing more of this year, as she's involved with the SisterSHINE program that I'm going to be a spiritual mom for.

Since coming back I've been in a funk. I did not get as much school or work related things finished before I left as I had hoped and now I'm feeling pretty far behind. In reality, I'm not behind at all. I'm still ahead of where I would have been last year, but I've gotten used to doing school work in advance. So tonight I spent a while at a coffee shop catching up on things. Tomorrow I will be doing the same thing. I will probably be there from after class on. I want to get everything for this week finished, and get started on next week so I don't have to worry about it.

Friday morning I fly home for the weekend. I can't wait! I get to spend my weekend with this lovely girl:(that photo is us in Gulfport, MS on the beach. Ignore how awful we both look, we had been driving ALL DAY and neither one of us had slept much the night before). I can't wait. :)

Well friends, that's all for now. I'm off to bed. I need to not get back in the habit of staying out at coffee shops until 1 a.m. this semester. But, we'll make tonight an exception!

.peace and love.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you-- the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore"
Psalm 121

Things I'm looking forward to:

* Shopping this afternoon
* A roadtrip to Waco this weekend
* My first football game of the season on Saturday
* Going to KY in 7 days
* Spending a great weekend with Grace before she moves to Italy forever
* Becoming a BASICS/Motivational Intervention Practitioner and Trainer
* UK beating UofL this weekend
* Going to SACSA and seeing my favorite Belmont People including Holly and Amy.
* Spending 8 days in Boston this March job searching, attending conferences, eating lots of good seafood and spending my spring break stressed out.
* Presenting programs at several conferences, including NASPA (keep your fingers crossed!)
* Maintaining deep friendship
* Finding a job that I LOVE!
* Graduating in 239 days
* Seeing what crazy roads God takes me down in the next 239 days. . . it's going to be a wild ride!

My women's fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, sends me an e-mail newsletter monthly called "Transitions". This e-mail has information about some issue that the women (and men) mid-late twenties/early thirty crowd are facing. I got this one the other day, and thought it quiet poinent. I'd like to share!

"I recently finished a great book called Refrigerator Rights, and highly suggest you read it. No, it isn’t the newest diet fad, or a guide to buying kitchen appliances. I know most of us have an ever-increasing list of books that we’re going to read, someday, so I’ll just give you the jist: Written by a stand-up comedian turned minister turned therapist, Dr. Will Miller says that humans thrive on intimate relationships - the kind of friendships where you can grab a soda out of each others refrigerator without asking or feeling weird about it.

Who’s allowed in your fridge?

I ask because it seems like my group of fridge friends has lessened somewhat since college. Time and distance have changed things, and that’s unfortunate. I want friends who I don’t have to try so hard with, ones who can plop on my couch and be happy watching a rerun of Back to the Future on TBS. We don’t even have to talk. Just knowing they’re there and that they care is good enough.

Dr. Miller proposes that today’s Americans are increasingly lonely and depressed due to a lack of refrigerator rights relationships. He asserts that we miss out on these types of relationships for two reasons. First, he charges the growing trend of mobility. Nearly one-third of Americans in our age bracket move every year. That’s a lot! Because of our propensity to move around, we often limit our chances of becoming part of a true community. I’ve experienced this first-hand. I’ve avoided joining clubs because I knew I’d soon be moving and would likely be forced to cut my membership short. Likewise, I’ve neglected to nurture certain relationships. The thought of building them up only to watch them disappear seemed too upsetting. Why bother?

Our infatuation with media is the other culprit holding our refrigerator relationships in check, according to Dr. Miller. Instead of growing our social circles, we opt instead for a pseudo-social life – achieved through the radio, TV, and the Internet. During our morning drive we laugh along with our DJ comrades. We think we’re part of their gang. When we get home from work we sit staring blankly at the tube. Our lives our enmeshed with TV personalities. We feel a connection with contestants on American Idol and vote for them compulsively. I have a friend who became so involved with the LOST series, he regularly logged into a forum to share episode insights, speculations and reactions with other viewers. The show became an all-encompassing part of his life. You may say this is pathetic. But I’ll bet you’re thinking, “So? I do that, too.” Face it. Our culture is collectively moving toward isolation.

Whether or not you agree with Dr. Miller’s arguments, his theory is interesting to think about. Are you missing the deep friendships that came so easily in college? Is the e-mail correspondence you keep with your fraternity brothers or sorority sisters enough to sustain you? Make the decision now to build and maintain a network of meaningful friendships that honor refrigerator rights. Get involved. Open the door to opportunity. A heapin’ helping of friends awaits!"

I'm currently talking to my old roomie, Lauren, on-line. I also just added her blog to my friends list on this page. In adding her blog, I realized that I have quite the jet-setting group of former roommates. We all graduate and move somewhere. Lauren moves to Moldova to work with orphans and teach them about business and Jesus. Grace moves to Italy to learn to speak Italian fluently and no-doubt fall in love with a BEAUTIFUL Italian man. I, my friends, move to College Station, TX. . . not sure how I missed the cool boat. I guess someone has to be the one they keep around to make themselves feel cooler. That's what I'm here for, boosting the self-confidence of others! Just kidding. . . kind of!

I wish that I could post the faces I make when writing this stuff. . . it would make the reading more enjoyable for all.

To my higher ed grad student friends. I'm reading this book, titled Job One by Peter Magolda and Jill Ellen Carnaghi, for my Practicum Class. I highly recommend it for those who are job searching, will be soon, or anyone related to higher education. It contains a serious of essays by various new professionals that are often very poignant and dead on. It makes you think, "I'm glad I'm not the only one!"

Do read!

"The word humble comes from the root word humus, earth clay. Let me remember that when I question God's dealings. I don't understand Him, but then I"m not asked to understand, only to trust. Bitterness dissolves when I remember the kind of love with which He has loved me- He gave Himself for me. What He is doing now, therefore, is not cause for bitterness. It has to be designed for good, because He Loved me and gave Himself for me." -Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart



When I question why things don't work out the way I want them to, I need to remember that.

"For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."
-Psalm 86:13

246 more days. . .

I just almost had a panic attack. I just left a planning meeting for our Association of Future Student Affairs Professionals Exec Board (I'm the VP). While the Professional Development Chair was sharing her agenda for the year she shared information about time-lines for the job search process for 2nd years. Literally, my heart began to race and the room started getting fuzzy.

I am a 2nd year.

I have had in my mind that the job search was a process that was more than an arms link away. What I have found however, is that the job search process started a year ago. The hard parts are starting to pick up now. The process is well within my grasp.

The fall semester of my senior year of college was a very stressful time for me between balancing class, work, extracurriculars and grad applications. While I still have to balance many of the same things, there seems to be something distinctly different this time. That semester was simply about continuing college.

This is not a continuation of college.

I have to do an actual job search. Nuts. So, right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed about the whole process. It's so hard to believe that in 249 days I'll have a Masters degree, be finished with school forever (keep your fingers crossed), and have a job (again with the fingers and lots of prayers). Nuts.